Who am I?? That seems to be the constant question that I go over in my head on a daily basis. See, I know what I am. I am a mom of four, a wife, a sister, a chef, a chauffeur, a therapist, a student, a teacher…I’m sure the list goes on and on. Who I am is different from what I am though. What, is a hell of a lot easier to answer than who. I can’t be the only mom suffering from MID (mother identify disorder)…can I? Please say I am not the only one, because if I am, then I need some serious R&R at the local psych ward. If you are reading this, though, then clearly you are just as crazy as I am. You, too, have lost yourself or are on the path to finding yourself again.
I think that phrase “lost myself/find myself” is funny. I mean—I can look in the mirror and see that I am a physical being (with messy hair, and spit up on me), so clearly I am not lost. Right? Right??? Wrong. I have struggled with mother identity disorder for sometime now. I hear “Mom,” “Mama,” and “Mommy,” probably close to a million times a day. So when someone calls me Kayla it throws me off guard. Kayla…who is that chick? Oh wait, that’s my actual name, the name I had before Mom took over.
So who is this Kayla girl that is writing all this mumbo-jumbo?
Well, Kayla is a wineaholic who is obsessed with Charmed (seriously, I even named my second daughter Piper). She is a loyal friend that will both stand by your side during hardships, while also calling you out when you’ve taken it a little too far. She is an adoring wife to her husband, who was also her high school sweetheart. She is fun-loving, prefers to just go with the flow, hates confrontation and drama. Well that all sounds nice and dandy, but I know you’re asking yourself what makes this Kayla credible enough to write a blog. Don’t lie, I know that’s what you’re thinking, because that’s what I’m thinking.
Well, Kayla (who hates talking in the third person, FYI), is a fierce mother and advocate to her children. When she found out that her first-born was on the Autism Spectrum, she immediately began the journey to become an ABA therapist to gain as much knowledge as she can for her son, and later her daughter. She is an early childhood/special education major, takes classes around her children’s schedule, and teaches part time at the local YMCA preschool program. So we have the Autism credentials, we have the teaching credentials; but if that is not enough, Kayla is, above all, just another mom trying to get her shit together while balancing all her titles—not to mention attempting to retain her identity.
Now that you know a little bit about me, it’s time for some homework. Yep you heard me—I’m gonna give you homework.
I want you to look yourself in the mirror, or more likely look at yourself using the selfie portion of snap chat, and ask yourself “Who am I?” Remember: who, is different from what. If you don’t have an answer, don’t worry.
You are perfectly normal.
If you do have an answer, then you are clearly an incredible woman and should be writing a book and hosting talk shows for the rest of us! Life is a constant journey, and who we are today may be different from who we will be tomorrow. The important thing to remember is as we venture on through motherhood, it is important to always keep sight of Kayla, or Ashley, or Bob, or whatever your name is, because eventually there will come a time when our mom hats won’t be needed as much. When we take those hats off, we will need another hat to take it’s place.
So stay true, stay grounded, stay connected, and remember, it’s always a HoTmEsS Life!