Do you remember back in the day, when you and your significant other would actually use the bed for things besides just sleeping. Or how about those extra long, extra hot showers? I bet some of you even used the car for other things besides driving. If you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m talking about sex. Not just any kind of sex though, pre baby sex.
Ya know, sex that wasn’t interrupted by children who are supposed to be sleeping. Sex where you had more than 5 minutes to make it happen before the end credits of spongebob come on. The kind of spontaneous sex you could have without having to schedule it between cheer practice and cub scouts. If having kids didn’t change your sex life, then please do us all a favor and write a book specifically on that.
Lets face it, having children changes a lot of things in life, and sex is just one of those things. I was in denial of how much it changed, but my darling husband was so nice to point out that I wasn’t exactly, ya know, eager like I used to be. It’s hard to get your mind in the gutter, when you are physically and mentally exhausted from trying to raise decent human beings. I’m not gonna lie, there have been many times where I’m like, “Ok I’ll give you five minuets, but then I’m crawling into bed.”
Raising kids is exhausting, and at the end of the day, sex just isn’t on my mind.
Having kids doesn’t just change the frequency of sex, but it can also completely change the mood. Remember when you wanted to take the extra time to get to where you were going? Now it’s like “ok we have like .03 seconds before a child wakes up, let’s do this.” Then of course there always seems to be a child pounding on the door, or running into the room every time you are–ya know…
No. I’m not saying sex is bad when you have kids. It’s actually better in many ways. When you have it so irregularly, you kinda make a point of giving it your A game when you finally find the time. So give yourselves credit where it’s due.
How do you make sex more meaningful after kids? Well, the easiest answer would be to stop having kids, but I apparently have a hard time taking that advice. So instead of that, how about you TRY, and MAKE it happen. Just like anything in a relationship after kids, you have to work a little harder to make it happen. If you have to schedule it in, then by all means write SEX in big bold letters on your shared google calendar. Get creative if you have to; it can help spice things up a bit. Remember, sex isn’t just about being physical, it’s also about emotionally connecting to one another. So, for your benefit, do what you gotta do to make it more than just sex. Mamas, put on something that makes you feel like a woman and not just a mom (check to make sure it doesn’t have spit up on it). Talk about sex with your partner. Express your desires to them, and what you don’t like. That way when the time finally does come, it’s on like Donkey Kong.
Remember, you might have to work a little harder. It might not happen as often as before; it just won’t, so don’t expect it to. You might have to end up saything things like, “Mommy and daddy are having a wrestling competition,” and you might laugh at the continuous audience outside the door, but sex can and will happen after kids.
Put on those red high heels you have hidden in the closet. Break out that silky gown that you wore on your wedding night, and go get you some. Just remember, “getting some,” is what created those little hands that are now pounding on your door, so keep that in mind.
As always, love your life, stay true, and embrace every ounce of the HoTmEsS mom that you are!