*This post contains affiliate links, that I make a small profit from. All items are hot mess mom approved, an go towards a serious coffee love affair to help me conquer the day with four kids.**
So, you might have noticed that things have been a little quite around here. July was just one of those months that all hell seemed to break loose at my already crazy house. Like seriously, these kids lost their damn minds. I felt like I was in a WWF wrestling match for kids. Imagine trying to prepare for the sudden schedule change that was approaching fast (school), while all you really wanted to do was hide under a cover (with coffee and or wine) and just watch what I could only assume was the coming of AntiChrist the way my kids were acting. I’m a hot mess to begin with, but boy-oh-boy you should have seen me the entire month of July and the beginning of August.
“I was spread too thin…”
I realized through all that chaos, that I was spread too thin. I was giving a part of me to everyone, and at the end of the day, there wasn’t much left for me. Just to put a picture in your head, I was wearing the hat of Mom, Wife, Part-Time preschool Teacher, Part-Time Behavioral Therapist, student. I was dealing with everyday tasks that come with being a mom of four, or really just a mom of one. The only difference is I also have two children with autism, and the meltdowns have been extreme lately. I’ve been running around taking my kids to their own therapy sessions M, T, W, TH, SAT while trying to balance everything else. My anxiety has been high, my stress has been through the roof, and it’s been coming out in the form of frustration.
I am one of those people that will do my best to please everyone around me, at the cost of myself. When you got people all around you saying things like, “You must me superwoman,” or, “I don’t know how you do it all,” you feel as if you need to live up to their expectations. It wasn’t until I saw my husband, (who has never had anxiety problems) suddenly start having panic attacks, that I realized how stupid it is to feel like I have to prove myself to anyone. During the midst of a panic attack my husband was having, I gave him a heartfelt lecture on how he has nothing to prove, how he is an amazing husband and father, and now it’s time to just focus on the things he can control; his family life and his health. I told him to kinda shut the outside world off for a bit, limit the extra activities he has going on, and be just be himself for a bit. This pep talk seemed to really help him and he was able to calm down and really take it in.
Then BAM it hit me…
That afternoon, as I was laying on the couch with a teething baby, and the sounds of yet another epic fight between the other kids, I realized that I really give good advice. I started thinking about all that I have going on, and truly how busy I really am. I was thinking about how although I embrace the hotmess mom status, that I’ve become too much of a hotmess lately. In this moment, as my anxiety was working on bubbling over, I decided that enough was enough. I am a damn good mother, and I have absolutely nothing to prove to anyone.
It’s time I took a step back and re-examine my hotmess life and just take it all in. So in that moment I hopped online and changed my school schedule from an all online schedule, to a schedule that involved me to physically mingle with other people. I enrolled my two year-old into a daycare/preschool for a couple days a week (this was primarily to help with social regression), talked to my sitter, and then made the decision to leave my jobs. Just like that, I could already feel that added stress I carried around start to be lifted up off of me.
So here I am, a full week in to not working, (I only worked a small amount of hours each week, and I was able to take my kiddos with me, but it still took time away from everything else) and life is great. I’m about to start the semester, and I won’t be stuck at home taking online courses like I usually do, I’ll be able to get out of the house for a couple hours two days a week. I’ve gotten my gym workout routine back, I’ve enjoyed running errands while the older kids are in school, or taking care of the house stuff. I just genuinely feel happy and less like a crazy person ready to scream. At first, I felt like I was letting people down, by taking time to actually focus on me. Then I started thinking about it and decided, “I don’t give a flying f$@! what anyone thinks!” I’m done trying to please everyone. The only people that really matter at the end of the day are me, my husband, and my kids.
Taking my own advice, and eliminating the things that I have control over, has seriously been like a giant breath of pumpkin spice fresh air. Like guys, that first day after I made my decision, I was doing dishes, listening to some good ole 90’s music and smiling…smiling doing dishes!!!! That’s how much of a fresh air it has truly been. So I encourage all my other busy mamas out there, the ones who are feeling like they are just too much of a hotmess, to take a step back and eliminate things and take control. Now what am I talking about you ask? Well, for me, the things I can’t control are the fact that I have two kiddos with Autism who require therapy. I can’t control the fact that I have to take them to therapy nearly everyday. I can’t control the fact that I have three seriously strong willed children, and a teething baby. I can’t control my husband’s stress. I can’t control the fact that I HAVE to go to the gym if I want to maintain these beautiful thighs I was given. I can’t control the amount of homework I get from school, or the amount of cleaning that needs to be done.
What I can control however, is the added stress of having two part time jobs, no matter how little I actually worked. I can control the amount of classes I take, and when/where I take them. I can control my mindset and realize that we don’t need to live in a spotless house. I can control my workout schedule. I can control when I do homework, and I CAN control my attitude and positivity. Most importantly, I CAN take a step back, get rid of everything that doesn’t matter, and take the time to focus a little bit on me. Getting out of the house to take classes instead of suffering at home online. Grabbing a coffee in the morning after a workout instead of going to work. Laughing with my kids as I ignore the dishes for a while. These are all the things that I can do, and that I have decided to focus on. I’m done trying to please everyone around me. If you are reading this and suddenly think differently about me, well then you just weren’t meant to be in my life.
The birth of our fourth child three months ago, set our entire summer into a crazy frenzy that I was just not prepared for. I don’t want to be a stressed out hotmess, I just want to be a hotmess who loves her life and who loves herself. So, here is my Hotmess Monday Challange for y’all. If you are waking up, and are truly just feeling like a basket case this morning, I want you to take a step back and examine your life. I want you to take a moment and really think of focusing on the things you can control.
Think about yourself for a change. Forget all the ridiculous expectations that are piled on your back. Forget about everything except you as a mom, as an individual. Find one thing this week that you can control or get rid of and replace it with something for you. This could be a chore that you can control and instead go outside to a park or make a play date and meet up for coffee. This could be maybe thinking about cutting back at work, or maybe thinking about going to work for a few hours a week just to get some social time in. It can literally be anything in your own crazy world that you can completely control. Focus on that, and focus on yourself and your family. If you can do this #hotmesschallenge, I can promise you that you will start to feel a little lighter.
So cheers, mamas. It feels good to be back to my normal hotmess self, and f$@# all you haters who think I, or us moms in general, should be able to conquer anything. NEWS FLASH, we can’t and we shouldn’t have to. What we should do is sit back, buckle up, pour ourselves some spiked coffee and enjoy the hotmess life that we have made for ourselves.
**Hotmess Buys, just because you can!!**